Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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