I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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