I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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