What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
