What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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