i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
