my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
