I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
