So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
