Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
