ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
