DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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