I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
