i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
