dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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