Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i love accidental penises.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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