Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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