I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
