just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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Liz is crying about burritos again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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