a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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