Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
