I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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