Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize