i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
