Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
