Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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