u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
