There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
