rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
