Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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