you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
