alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
