SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
