Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
