At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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