it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
