You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
