Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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