NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
