i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
