you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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