should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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