Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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