If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
