im drinking this country out of the recession.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
