ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
