it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
