Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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