12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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