i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
