I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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