What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
