I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it penis luge time yet?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
