yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
