just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
