So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
