Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
