Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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