She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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