great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
