We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
