We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..