dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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