Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
