Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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