So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
