my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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