I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
