So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
